Your Mortal
by GodOfWurstwasser
Summary: Well basically a black metal guy falls in love with Dragon Bonfire but then it turns out that he is in love with Harry, and the guy is in love with Harry too. What will happen?
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I had to do this! And it won't make any sense if you don't have the original in mind.

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AN: Joke with fangz instead of the proper word "thanks" (realize it's meaning for I am part of a subculture naming itself after an art period and a style to build churches) goes to my buddies (Phrase of disgust! Not in that path!) crow, waterysaliva555 for assisting me in the task of writing this story, and correcting the many mistakes that I still kept. You are stones! Just in: I am the desirable perrson of my not humorous life. I am a stone as well! Many Christians' Rapture is a stone as well.

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Hi my name is Rotto Dead Dark Oblivion Crow Path and I have long rotten black heirs. (that's how I got my name) with black streaks and black tips that reach the ground and fiery red eyes like health potions and few people tell me I look like Varg Vikernes (AN: If there is no knowledge of such persona in your memory, please consider leaving now in the name of a place of damnation). I am not related to Harold Path but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie and I am into incest! I am not a vampire, but my teeth are bent and black. I have normal skin but I wear corpse-paint so that I look like a cute panda. I'm also a black mage lvl. 72, and I go to a magic school called pigpimples in Scotland where I'm a teacher (I'm seventeen). I'm a Black Metaler (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love my local blacksmith and taxidermist and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black chain mail with a mace +5 and a black leather miniskirt, iron boots and and nothing underneath my chain mail. I was wearing black and white corpse-paint, black lipstick and blackish eye-shadow. I was walking outside Pigpimple. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun in our solar system, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I smashed their skulls in with my mace +5.

"Hey Rotto!" shouted a voice. I looked down. It was... . Dragon Bonfire!

"What's up Dragon?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said determined.

But then, I heard my imaginary friends call me and I had to go away.

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AN: I hereby request to know if any of this met your standards! Personal Lawyer Zergs tell me the teeth of carnivores!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Teeth two waterysaliva555 3 aiding me with der sceptre! Busty Titties Whales propellers stop incinerating my fictional text!

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The next night I fell asleep in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my box'o'corpses and drank some bloody bottles from an eye hat. My box'o'corpses was black and smelled of rotting corpses and inside it was cold unpink silk with black ice on the endingens. I got out of my box'o'corpses and took my giant Burzum t-shirt which I used for papayas. Instead, I put on a blackened scale mail and a Sleipnir necklace, sandals and a black fishing rod of damnation. I put on twenty pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a meat bun.

My fiend, Wilkins (AN: Crow this is the impersonation of thine personality) woke up then and grinned at me. He flipped his long waist-length black-black hair with black streaks and opened his forest-blue eyes. He put on his Anaal Nathrak t-shirt with a black mini, a fishing rod +7 and pointy high-heeled hats. We put on our makeup (corpse-paint white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Dragon Bonfire yesterday!" he growled excitedly.

"YEAH? SO?" I shrieked, blushing.

"Do you like Dragon?" he growled as we went out of the Sith-Erin common room and into the little hallway.

"No I so fucking don't!" I screamed.

"Yeah right!", he exclaimed. Just then, Dragon walked up to me.

"HAIL TO THE KINGS!", he screamed

"HAIL TO THE KINGS!" I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he growled.

"WHAT??" I screamed in my best Black metal voice.

"Well, Immortal are having a concert in Pigskin." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. Satan!" I screamed. I _hate_ Immortal. They are my favourite Band besides Mayhem.

"Well... , do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: HALT! Stop your incinerating of my story, propellers, Oh K! Besides that teeth two the black metal persons for the reviews of goodness! FUCK YEAH! Busty titties whales: I don't own this or the lyrics for Frostdemonstorm

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On the day of the concert I put on my black high-heels. Underneath them was the skin of ripped fishermen. Then I put on a black miniskirt with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching plate mail. I straightened my pubic hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little evil then, so I sacrificed one of my virgins. I read a satanic book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some AN. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of corpse paint. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on a sword because I had nothing covering my shame underneath my mini skirt, and it should be sufficient. I drank some virgin blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Dragon was waiting there in front of his flying carriage. He was wearing a Gorgoroth t-shirt (they would play at the show too), a black cape, a leather armor, black nail polish and a battle axe (AN: A high number of cool male adolescents wear that, Oh kay!)

"HAIL TO THE KINGS! Dragon!" I growled in death metal voice.

"HAIL TO THE KINGS! Rotto." he said back. We walked into his flying carriage (the license plate said "miss carriage") and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Immortal and Mayhem. We both smoked cigarettes and medication. When we got there, we both hopped out of "miss carriage". We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and fought with honour, as we listened to immortal. Our body count was over nine thousand.

"_Arctic wintery worlds in mind  
Possessed forever  
By the chains of time  
Beastly crafts comes with the snow  
We bring the coming  
Of our demonstorm _" sang Abbath (I especially bought the rights two thath song!)

"Abbath is so fucking hot!" I said to Dragon, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Dragon looked EVIL.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we kept killing the innocent. Then I caught on!

"Hey, it's ok I don't hate him better than YOU!" I screamed.

"Really?" asked Dragon ragingly and he put his arm around me like he wanted to choke me.

"Really." I growled. "Besides Abbath looks like a panda with his corpse paint! I hate cute cuddly pandas!" I said disgustedly, thinking of that viral internet video.

The night went on really well and I head a great time. So did Dragon. After the concert, we drank some mead and asked for Autographs, and photos. We got Immortal fan tits. Dragon and I crawled back into the "miss carriage", but Dragon didn't go back into Pigpimple, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest!!111!1


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I commanded you to stop incinerating, Oh kay! Rotto's name is OTTO not martin sow, Oh kay! Dragon is in an extreme state of hate with him which is why he acts unusual. They had known each other for quite some time, Oh kay!

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"DRAGON!", I squeaked, "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Dragon didn't answer but he stopped "miss carriage" and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Rotto?" he asked.

"What" I stapled.

Dragon leaned extra-close and I looked into his black metal black eyes (he was wearing eye-implants) which revealed so much fukken hate and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then... suddenly just as I Dragon kissed me passinately. Dragon climbed on top of me and wee started to make out keenly against a tree. He took off my armer and I took off his clothes. I even took off my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"AARGHWARGHWARGHL!" I growled. "BWAAARGHWGRRRL", he growled. I was beginning to get an orca-sim. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then... .

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"

It was ... Dumblydory!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP incinerating! If the letter "U" incinerates me, it means he is a propeller or Dimmu Borgir! The only reason for Dumblydory to use such foul language was because he had a headache Oh Kay! And on the very top of that he was irrational at them 5 having the sexes! Personal Shellfish: I am not up to date until I get five good reservoirs!

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Dumblydory made and Dragon and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he wined.

I started to vomit blood down my pallid face. Dragon hit me. When we went back to the castle Dumblydory took us to Professor Snapist and Professor McGoogle who were both looking fukken trve evil.

"They were having sexualtiy in the course of the Forbidden Fortress!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing you mediocre dunces?" asked Proffesor McGoogle, "without ME?"

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snapist.

And then Dragon growled with his best Death Metal voice. "BECAUSE I HATE HIM!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumblydory and Professor McGoogle still looked fukken trve epic evil but Professor Snapist said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Dragon and I went upstairs while the teacher claired at us.

"Are you okay, Rotto?" Dragon asked me sinister.

"Yeah! I guess." I lied. I went to the boys dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and my tongue and my eyes and my ear and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and a belt with my favourite "manslaughter +5" bastard sword. When I came out... ,

Dragon was standing in front of the bathroom and he started to sing "fucked with a knife" by Cannibal Corpse. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back to his doom (get it in sted ov room cos I'm trve!)


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Faecal matter up propellers, Oh Kay! Pervertet Suicide: I won't be up to date up the hill me good reviewing!

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The next day I woke up in my box'o'corpses. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a robe of the evil arch-mage +3 with red skulls all over it and high heeled beetles that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two Mjöllnir in my ears. I spray-painted my black hair black.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Duke Death cereal with milk instead of blood, and a gless of fresh moo-moo-juice. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the milk spilled over my robe.

"Bastard!!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I locked up cause I was looking into the corpse-paint face of a black metal boy with long black hair without red streaks in it. He was wearing so much panda-make-up that I was going down on him face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Dragon did in my memory and there was no scar on his forehead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chan. He had a sexy Norwegian accent, yet I did not know cuz he did not talk to me yet. He looked exactly like Count Grishnackh. He was so sexy my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like when women get wet only I'm a boy so that didn' happen you sicko.

"I'm not sorry." he said in an evil voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter (He tranferd to Pigpimple so stop incinerating), although most people call me Tanar'ri these days." he crumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love to fukken play D&D!" he GIGGLED!!

"Well, I AM a game master!" I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. He rolled a twenty on his charisma roll. Then Dragon came behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Well. Oh Kay! You chicks I'm only writing dis cuz I got more than 5 God's and they aid me. The letter "n" - Big titties, where? I won't undergo the ritual of the next chapter until I get reviews made of TIN! STOP INCINERATING OR I WILL RAPPORT THE LETTER "U"! Roddo isn't a Martin Sow Oh, KAY! He isn't perfect. HE'S A SATANTITS! The letter "n" has problems, he is depressed and has 4 snake Gods.

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Dragon and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist songs on my nails in black nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Martin Sow v 2.0.u?) . I waved to Tanar'ri. Dark epic evilness was in his warrior eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Dragon Bonfire. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Dragon. We went into his doom (AN: c the chapter before!!) and looked the door. Then...

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I passively took of my robe. Then I took off my black leather bra and he passively took of his pantsu. We went on the bed and started passively fencing with our 'swords' and then he put his boy's thingy in mine (AN: That does not hurt it is trve black metel style) and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh Dragon, Dragon!" I screamed while getting an Orcasim when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Dragon's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow thorugh it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... ... ... ... . . .. .. ... ... ... ... ... ... Tanar'ri!

I was so fukken evil!

"You bastard!" I shooted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Dragon pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDS anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Dragon passively ran out even though he was naked. He passively had a really big you-know-what but I was passively too mad to care. I passively stomped out and did so until I was in Tanar'ri's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snapist and some other people.

"TANAR'RI POTTER YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Stop flossing Oh kay! If you do then you are a propeller!

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Everyone in the class stared at me and then Cragon came in the room even though he was naked and starred bagging me to take him black (get it coz black ↔ back).

"Rotto, it's not what you think!" Dragon screamed trve.

My friend P'uke Maggot Smith smiled at me understatedly. He flipped his long waste-length black hair and opened his crimson eyes like blood (Yeah, that's like opening blood, it's trve you know!) that he was wearing contact lenses on. He had pale white skin that she was wearing pale-increaser on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are dickgirls and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her motherfucker and her mother commited suicide because she had no one to cook meals any more. She still has nightmares about it and he underwent operation and is a he now. She is very evil and trve because of all that. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she converted to Stan-ism she isn't in Hogwarts now but in Pigpimple.)

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snapist demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Tanar'ri, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone inhaled air.

I don't now why Rotto was so mad with me. I had went out with Tanar'ri (I'm trve and so is Rotto) for a while but then he ate my heart. He dumped me because he liked Brunhild, a stupid propeller fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was evil trve fukken and so on (Haha like I would hang out with a propeller.)

"But I'm not going out with Dragon anymore!" said Tanar'ri.

"Yeah! Fucking right Fuck off, you bastard!" Icescreamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Dragon and then I started to fukken mosh with the trees.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Stop incinerating, Oh kay! I did not read all the books! This is from the moving picture! Etc. Etc.! Domblydory had a headache and Snape doesn't like people because he has explosive diarrhoea. My Catholic Ring is a rock!

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I was so mad and trve. I couldn't believe Dragon was cheating on me. I began to punch against the tree where I did it with Dragon.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a doomstick (AN: get it coz I'm... aw... forget it)! He didn't have a nose (basically like the Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he was untrve and he had no nose and he was like Voldemort in the movie and he had no nose and he was flying towards me. It was ... VELDOMERT!

"No!" I shouted in an angry voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crooshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his wroom and started to scream. I felt good because hurting people is trve. But I stopped.

"Rotto." he yelled. "Thou must kill Tanar'ri Potter!"

I thought about Tanar'ri and his sexah eyes and his black metal black hair and how his face looks just like Count Grishnackh. I remebered that Dragon had said I did not understan, so I thought what if Dragon went out with Tanar'ri before I went out with him and they broke something?

"Yes Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "Yes! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not then I shall kill thy beloved Dragon!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Tanar'ro, then thou know what will happen to Dragon!" he shooted. Then he flowed away angrily on his doomstick.

I was so fukken evil and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came in the woods.

"Dragon!" I said. "HAIL TO THE KINGS!"

"HAIL TO THE KINGS!" he said back but his face was wall untrve. He was wearing usual panda-corpse-paint and messy eyeliner kint of pentagram between Varg Vikernes and Øystein Aarseth. (geddit? I don't)

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

" I'm sorry I got all made by you I thought you cheated on me." I exploded.

"That's okay." he said all evil and we went back into Pigpimple making out.


	10. Ending

Harry was reading what he had written so far. Yes, this was to his liking! He made his own fan-fiction of HIM himself. He liked the way everything fitted together, and he liked his amazing style and how there were no typos at all. After he printed it out on his magically enhanced printer, he went to show his work to his friends! They were sure to love it!

"Does he still think he's Harry Potter?", the man sitting in front of his desk asked. John Smith had become a psychiatrist because he wanted to face the insane to counterpart his mundane name. "Yes, Mr. Horstensen, I fear this is still the case. He lives in his own world, and everything happening to him just becomes a part of his phantasy." The man in front of him was here because of his son. Horst Horstensen had been here for years now. After his sister died, he suddenly started to imagine himself being Harry Potter, living in Hogwarts.

"I also don't know if he will leave his world one day. So far he didn't show any intentions to leave his bubble." The child's father began to sob. "This damn book! It isn't even very good! And now it has taken my son, after my daughter was already taken by it!"

His daughter had committed suicide after reading a false spoiler that claimed Harry died in the newest book of the series entitled "Harry Potter and the books that print money".

Suddenly little Horst Horstensen entered the room. John immediately said: "Harry, I told you to stay in your room!"

His father was about to have a nervous brakedown. "Horst! Did you come to visit your father?"

"No! What are you doing here? I thought muggles aren't allowed in here!", he turned towards Smith, "Dumbledore! Look I wrote an awesome fanfiction of myself transferring to a new school!"

John took the papers Horst was holding, and read them in a fast pace...

"Hor... I mean, Harry, please go now back to your room!"

"How do you like it, Dumbledore??", he asked without any intention to leave the room.

"It is... very good, yes, please go, OK?"

Horst finally left the room, singing "Dumbledore likes my fanfic!" happily.

Smith sat down again and sighed. "Mr. Horstensen... I fear it is worse than we thought... Your son doesn't only live in a fantasy world..."

He paused for a moment.

"I also think he is mentally retarded!"


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